We interrupt this silence

I wrote a post a few weeks ago, and didn't hit publish. You should all know how this story ends, but let's rewind a bit, shall we?

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To shed a little light on what it's like to be 32 weeks pregnant with twin babies. It goes a little something like this.

Geeze, all this wiggling and kicking. Give me a break!
Oh shit, where did they go. I haven't felt anything.
Poke, prod, jiggle. Hi baby, thank you. Now, go wake up your brother and tell him he owes his momma some reassurance too.
Oww, that's enough.

Spend Sunday churching, grocery shopping and sitting on a park bench.
Wake up Monday freaked out by how much you hurt after all that "activity."

Tell your husband you're feeling really good lately.
Go shopping with your mom. You start running out of breath from picking hangers off the rack. Hangers sporting preemie sized clothing.
You drop something on the floor and look for the nearest husband, kid, dog to help you out because bending at the waist causes braxton hicks.

You gave up bread, spaghetti, pizza, donuts, cake and burritos to get pregnant. Make it to week 28 to discover your gluten-free lifestyle didn't stop you from getting gestational diabetes.
Your doctor let's you know that trail mix is a good low-carb snack, but limit your serving to one or two raisins.
Lose two pounds in three weeks.

But holy guacomole people, 32 weeks! That's for real. That's like we might get to take home two little boys real. Like, why are we not ready yet real? Hurray and huzzah and thank golly gee that everything is going so well.

20 weeks with Bennett

 

20 weeks with the Twins

35 weeks with Bennett

30 weeks with the Twins, same sweater! Bigger, Badder, Pointier

She's Baaaack!

My heart and my head are finally full of something light-hearted and happy. And my belly is full of babies!

I am 19 weeks pregnant (The halfway mark in a twin pregnancy!) and due in late January, but we hope to make it to Christmas. I'm already large and in charge, scaring coworkers and strangers in my wake. You might get a belly shot or two, but don't hold your breath. Going up stairs I can't catch my breath, but I'm sleeping great. You win some you lose some.

We found out several weeks ago that I'll be the only female of the house. Our littlest boys are doing great. I've been feeling them for a while, but in the past week or two I have felt and seen them from the outside! We had our anatomy scan last week and spines, hearts, kidneys, brains and everything else looked great. They are gaining weight quickly, which is what they want twins to do! 

Baby A, aka "Tot"

Baby B, or "Tater"

Bennett is thrilled to be a big brother in waiting. He now introduces himself as "Hi, I'm Bennett, I'm having two babies." He can't wait to help assemble the cribs and has learned how to hang tiny baby clothes on hookers (or rather hangers in English.) I might be delusional, but I think he will do great with the additions and he loves to be helpful and needed. I think he was made for the job.

Otherwise, Bennett is great! Recently, I have been exploding with excitement over Bennett's artwork at home. All of the drawings I have ever had from Bennett are big crazy squiggles and lines. For. Years. Then, Monday night, he sat down and drew grass, clouds, and a network of pipes underground. You could have knocked me over with a feather. His friend was visiting and he was having trouble drawing a person. Bennett leaned over and helped draw a body, a face, hair! THEN, last night, Bennett drew the little dipper. I kid you not, stars making up a constellation. This kid is full of surprises I tell you.

With all of these changes on the horizon, I was in a big hurry to join the ranks of soccer moms and drive big ole minivan.

Basically, since we last spoke, I got big and fat, bought a gas guzzler and continued to overpopulate the globe. I honestly couldn't be happier.

Filling in the Gaps

Life and the lack of brain activity has kept me from posting lately. My mind is overwhelmed with the mundane and monumental but I don't intend to give up this space anytime soon. There are just too many topics that require legitimate posts so I'll fill you in on the little things that I'm convinced you're missing.

Bennett learned to make silly faces. Puffer fish faces, mad faces, surprised faces. He likes to ask you what kind of face you're making and then interpret his own version. 

He's made a real best friend. They live across the street and now they go to the same school. They've asked if they can live together. A few weeks ago his bff got his pants dirty at school and had to borrow an extra pair of B's. He slept in them that night because he couldn't bear to part with them. 

The house next door got bulldozed to make way for two new ones. Whether we've been gone five minutes or overnight Bennett will say "still broken" when he sees the demolition.   

Way back in January an amazing friend gave me a week's subscription to Blue Apron. They mail you pre-measured ingredients for three meals for two people. The quality of ingredients was pretty decent and the recipes challenged us to try new things like bok choy and lemongrass. I was delighted and if Rocky made it home at a decent hour on a regular basis I wouldn't mind splurging on this little culinary adventure.

The other night when I was putting the kid to bed, he picked up a book and started sounding out all the words on the cover. It was so precious and I couldn't have been more proud. Watching my child grow up is so bittersweet, but when there are these bursts of accomplishment it makes my heart explode.

Life isn't always filled with fan-club worthy content, but it is the giggles and grins, spicy shrimp curry soup and the ha-ha-ha's and mm-mm-mm's that are occupying my silence these days. Thanks for the patience for these in-between times when I don't have anything to scream from the rooftops!

Somethings Are Worth Celebrating

And those things should absolutely be written about, not neglected to good intentions and camera roll purgatory. Sometimes a thirty-first birthday deserves a proper write-up. It's ok to rise from the ashes of a crap year and put on your party hat. It's also ok to spend several car payments on a dinner and two minute ride in a Lexus. This boy earned it.

To celebrate Rocky's birthday with proper pomp and circumstance, a few days after Christmas, we left Rocky's family farm in East Millers Cove and drove the five minutes to West Millers Cove. We drove past the community cemetery, the country church and a few farm houses until we hit the famed white fence of the Inn at Blackberry Farm.

I started to feel giddy. It was pitch black as we curved the bend, passing a dozen black SUVs. We registered at the front desk where we were escorted to our own luxury vehicle to make the trip back up the hill to the barn to dine. I made a few asinine comments to our driver about Vanderbilt basketball. I think I was trying to prove to our escort that we weren't just two kids that don't belong. After all, I'm sure he's driven Mark Zuckerburg a time or two so why would he care if it's just me and my farm boy?

We entered the barn into a winter wonderland. It was dark and rustic with an enormous fir tree in the middle of the room. I scanned the room searching for a Mark Zuckerburg or a Trisha Yearwood or a Mitt Romney. No dice. It was a room full of middle-aged parents who must have also left their barnacles with the grandparents.

We ordered the tasting menu and enjoyed a few items I never would have considered otherwise, things like guinea and squab. Every morsel I ate was superb, even the guinea and the squab, and the beef and the beets and the bass and the feta and the chocolate and the brussel sprouts.

If they can make amuse bouche (Guinea Croquettes in a Thyme Nest) look like this you can only imagine what the rest of the meal entailed. And you will have to imagine because I was too nervous to pull out my camera for beautiful course after beautiful course.

The evening was a divine experience from start to finish. I've had many great meals, but never in my life did the food, the ambiance and the service all exceed my expectations. Now that I've had a taste of Blackberry, I hope I can have a facial and a skeet shoot and a shut eye. While I was able to cross off Blackberry Farm from my Bucket List, I just put it back on. I'm looking for more excuses to celebrate.

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Life Lately

Hi friends. Wanted to drop you a line, say hello and fill you in on what you've missed.

My trip back to Minnesota kind of sucked, except when it didn't. There were a lot of beautiful moments. Grandma sure had a lot of friends, every one of them believed themselves to be her best friend. If that isn't a sign of a life well-lived, I'm not sure what is.

I got to meet this little nugget. Finally. Miss Evie is a doll baby with a personality to match. Can't believe I missed her crawling by 24 hours. 

Photo-bombing is not limited to the Millennials. Who wouldn't want to be a Swanson?

Bennett likes to eat his feelings too.

What good is a trip to Minnesota without some new state-pride duds? Little dude couldn't wait to put them on. He could wait to take a proper picture. Yay for neighbor friends and yay for fruit snacks!

This child is all three these days. Jekyll one minute and Hyde the next. This shirt surely speaketh the truth. Don't know who is going to take over the responsibility for shopping for name-inspired apparel. Grandma certainly left some big shoes to fill!

What We Learned: 39 Months

Living with a thirty-nine month old kid I imagine is a lot like living with a thirty-nine month old man. They think they know everything and won't listen to a darn thing a woman says. We have spent some quality time correcting and disciplining lately. If it wasn't for spontaneous hugs and requests for kisses, there are times when I wish I could move his belongings to the front lawn.

Bennett learned that mommy will let you stay up til nearly midnight and scream inside once a year.

We learned that it's worth dealing with a drowsy dude to have an evening of adult conversation.

Bennett learned that even though you may have twelve days off of school for winter break and snow days, eventually you need to go back to learning your letters and using inside voices.

We learned that ten days off isn't as much fun when you're stuck inside, new Christmas toys, pirate ships and all.

Bennett learned to differences between a fire truck, rescue vehicle and fire chief car.

We learned that books, boats, and rescue trucks have much greater value when the giver is gone.

Bennett learned the power of holding his tongue.

We learned that the kid doesn't mind sitting on the stair for an hour.

Bennett learned all the words to the Lord's prayer.

We learned to forgive his trespasseses.

Hey June

Sometimes I am silent because I have nothing nice to say and sometimes I am silent because I have too much to say. This time it's a little bit of both.

My grandma June passed away today. I know everyone feels that their grandparent is one in a million, but mine really was. She was silent but strong, meek but not mild. She went on dates and played poker and nursed a scotch and soda at every holiday. She would have liked to wear turtlenecks even in the summer because at 80 she wanted to cover the wrinkles on her neck. Grandma sent us Valentines and Thanksgiving cards with a million stickers on the envelope. She wrote "happy birthday" in quotation marks. Her favorite memories of her time in France involve burlesque dancers. It is so very appropriate that we will be celebrating her life at a bowling alley.

Grandma June was the first person to hear I was pregnant besides my parents. She was so thrilled you could feel her scrunch her body with a giggle of gratitude. With our trials of the past year, it felt like she was fighting with me, praying even though she's not a prayer. June wasn't a baby person, but she wanted the best for everyone, always.

My cousins helped write a book of memories and photographs for her Christmas present. There were lots of stories about celebrating twenty-first birthdays with her, but also memories of Thanksgiving Yiftis and Christmas pajamas. There were surprising additions too, memories of digging for worms and dancing in a parade. I'm not sure we all did her justice because none of us deserved the millions of little ways she showed she loved us. Now those memories and pictures are at the top of a large stack, one that I wish we could keep adding to.