Cause we're obviously not.
Last night was our first birth and baby class at the hospital. It became rather obvious we are very ill-prepared for this whole having a baby thing. First, we were the only ones there without pillows and a blanket and a yoga mat. Who didn’t pass along the memo (or read the memo?) that we were supposed to bring basically an entire set of bedding? I could grin and bear the hard floors, but poor Rocky was mortified that we were the only ones going without. We were already failing as competent parents. Then, I showed up in a skirt. To a class where we were sitting on the floor legs bent. Smart girl.
Overall, Rocky and I have no problem getting a job started, the problem is the follow-through. The room is painted, but the closet is full of china. The crib is assembled, but we have no mattress. The dresser is full of itty bitty onesies, but there is a large bed sitting in the middle of the room. We successfully made it to class on time, but I had both dressed and packed inappropriately. I am having visions of making it to the hospital with our camera and snacks but no clean underwear or anything to dress our little B.B.
My plan for the whole process is just to be knowledgeable about what is normal and what to expect. I will show up, ask for the drugs, and do my best. I am not about to write a twelve page birth plan or have a tantrum if the doctor suggests that a c-section is what is best for me and the baby. That seemed about all I could hope for and the best I could do.
Thankfully, we are in a class with a bunch of prepared but still mildly moronic future parents. When the teacher asked us what questions we wanted her to cover over the next six (ack!) weeks. The very first question a mom-to-be inquired about, elective c-sections. The nurse/instructor/coach couldn’t even get the words out for a good thirty seconds, she just stared at this woman. When she was able to choke out an answer, she asked if her doctor even allowed them. I think you have to go to L.A. and fine a physician to the stars to schedule something like that. Then again, ask me in seven weeks if I’d be willing to make the trip.
Other lovely observations?
Eight out of eight couples in our class want a medicated birth. I have to admit I did look out of the side of my eye before raising my hand. I was convinced their were more natural-green-alternative medicine folks on the east coast.
DC is such a diverse and transient town. Almost all of the people in the class had their showers out of town and very few have parents in the area. I won’t be the only one flying solo post baby!
Even in a birth class where we talk about anatomy and feelings and pain, you shouldn’t talk about your pelvis. I learned that one the hard way!
Items still on the agenda include drugs(!), hospital tour, and the dreaded movie. Here is to hoping we make it through til the end.
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